A little something

So its almost end of the year and its another year of crap ;) I can't complain about it too much since a lot of things that happen to me this year was just really bad.People close to me stabbed me right in the back and all I did was just walk away far as possible so they wont do it again..I know everything that you're trying to do and I don't give a crap about it,worst part is you lost my trust and I'm going to act like I care about you and make you realize what you did to me was the biggest mistake.You're good at putting a good show in front of everyone but guess what I'm not good as you and I'll never be like you,I have a heart and I'll never hurt anyone or back stabbed them like what you did to me ;)
Life is a cold path I walked, I tripped and fell many times on, some hold my hand clamming to help me up just to twist that hand later, some walked on me, others passed by and stare, some just said sorry that happened! You are too beautiful to fall then walked away, others took my fall as an opportunity to stab me in the back, but at the end I always push myself and walk knowing along the path I will trip I will fall and will always walk with my head held up high and a big smile on my face.
Forget about destroying my life cause I just got to know the real you and I'm going to keep my distance from you and let you see that my life is a thousand times better then yours.I may look like a weak freak but I ain't stupid to forget about everything and let it go,keep playing dumb and I'll show you how to be a real jerk ;)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Hmmmm

It's weird knowing that one day you're madly in love with this guy then u wake up the next morning like it was just a dream.Have you ever wonder what happen between us??I still think about it till today,I mean when we were dating you never really look for me when you need help or talk to me when you needed someone to talk too...

I was there all those times with you but you put your friends first and me right at the side,I don't care if you are close with you're friends but my arms were always open for you but you push it and close it and act like I was never in the picture,but I still waited and waited for you to talk to me or at least treat me as one of your friend and that never happen in a million years.

Today I was so shock to know that you open up to me about your problems and ask for my advise after a long time ever since the break up..Why are you doing this now?? Don't you think it's a little too late for that now?? You told me that you're upset that your girlfriend left you without a reason and you can't take the pain and it hurts so badly...I use to be in the same place that you're in now ;) but I  decided to move on and let it go for good.

I may not be the best person to look for advise but one thing I can promise you I won't leave a friend helpless and in tears.If you need me you know where to find me and please don't be scared to talk to me ;) I hope you move on and find someone new cause to get a perfect relationship you need to love who you are before you promise to love someone else :)

Live it

     Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart.Everything happens for a reason.
     If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart and eyes to things.
     Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything you could possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before and actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too.
     Tell yourself that you are a great person and believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish.....Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.Never look back at the past all you got to do is keep walking..

Want to be a kid again

I'M RESIGNING, I'M HEREBY OFICIALLY TENDERING MY RESIGNATION AS A TEENAGER! I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again! I want to go down to McDonalds and have all the fun I want. I want to think that M and M's are better than money because you can eat them. I want to eat a whole jar of cookies without feeling guilty afterwards. I want to return to when all you knew were colors, multiplication, tables and nursery rhymes. I want to return to when you didn't know and you didn't care. I want to remember the whole morning was filled of what your Mom had packed for lunch and the whole afternoon what you were having for dinner. When a simple matchbox car or a Barbie doll represented a whole week's worth of entertainment. When you actually had an imagination. When magic really existed. When 'Jaws' didn't look fake. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good would always triumph over evil. When a member of the of the opposite sex was just some annoying disturbance. When friends were real and you didn't care if they were black, white, Catholic, Asian, African, Muslim, fat, skinny, pink, green or from a whole other planet, it just didn't matter... until others told you differently! I want to believe that anything is possible all you have to do is Dream. I want it to be unknown to me the complexities of life and to be completely ecstatic by the little things again like the sound of the Mr. Whippy Van! I DON'T want to know of school, homework, clothes, friendship, relationships,popularity or even gossip! I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams and human kind. I want to believe that all adults must know everything (How wrong we were). So here's my money, my makeup, and my adolescence.

*I miss being a kid :/

Life's Highs...

1. Laughing hysterically
2. Dancing your heart out
3. Star gazing
4. Shopping
5. Going to the beach
6. Listening to the rain
7. Ice-cream on a hot day
8. Feeling wanted
9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think about the one you love
10. Receving text messages
11. Personal jokes
12. Compliments
13. Late night phone calls (depends who is it XP )
14. Travling alone
15. Hugs
16. Kisses
17. Knowing someone misses you
18. Knowing someone is thinking of you
19. Good dreams
20. Prom night
21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky
22. Praties
23. Jumping into a warm bed on a cold night
24. Sleepovers
25. Pranks
26. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing
27. Looking back on the laughs
28. Receiving presents
29. Giving presents
30. Meeting new people
31. Being energetic
32. Hanging out with friends and family
33. Watching someone do something stupid (oops XP)
34. Good hair days
35. Finally completing something I started a long time ago
36. Long midnight drives
38. Being home alone
39. Reading a good book
40. Playing golf
41.Watching the sun comes up
42.Watching a shooting star
43. Weekends
44. Holidays
45. Spend my day doing nothing
46. Smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
47. Singing into your hairbrush in your room
48. Turning up your stereo as loud as it will go
49. Being so happy it makes you cry
50. Falling in love..

*I just love being me even in my darkest times.I take all the time I need to pick up the pieces and put it all back again and forget about everything,cause I hate staying mad at someone ;) stay with me and I shall teach you to enjoy life XDD

Sorry..

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with …and the one that got away.

So,here is the thing you broke up with me saying that I'm not being my self and I'm not there for you all the time right??I get it you want me to be there for you but I'm sure as hell that I'm being my self and I know what I want in life.I think before I do anything and I keep my problems to my self cause I'm not that kind of girl who sits there are talk about her problems to everyone but when someone comes to me for help I will be more happy to help them till I can.You just known me for a short while and I don't expect you to judge me on how I do things,plus you dated me for just for a short while and you're acting like we have been together for 10 years.
I did accept you for you and never change anything about it cause you're perfect,I gave you all the freedom a girlfriend would never give to her boyfriend.You accept me for being me just for a short while.I can't be that perfect girlfriend,get jealous of every girl you talk too or hang out with and I do need time to my self.Believe it or not I never get jealous of anyone who you spend time with cause I know what's mine stays mine and I trust you with everything.
I know I cant expect you to be the same way but I try really hard to be the perfect girlfriend but its never good enough for you.So I'm sorry cause I can never change my self for anyone,I love being me,trying new stuff,going crazy,having fun and enjoying life....

*I love my life and I don't wanna miss a thing ;]

Only once in your life

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

New school..

Its been a busy week in school but so far so good as being the new student.Even I'm in the first class I don't feel the pressure cause my classmates are all freaking crazy,wired,funny,talented (I'm serious about their talent),awesome and last but not least they are happy go lucky...There is not a day I stay in my class without laughing my ass off.The guys in my class are just too sweet and the worst part is they sweet talk to much,well its just to hard to avoid it.The first day I step foot into the class everyone was looking at me like I'm some kind of monster who has invaded their class,as time passes one by one came up to me and started talking then everything was going good.The girls are sweet but not all...as always they will be the mean and badass one in the class..
My class teacher calls us her children,they way she talks and treat them is something you can never see anywhere..She is a mom to 35 kids in my class and one awesome lady who understands teenagers to well.I'm just new here and I'm getting to know everyone well,hope is goes well trough out the year for me cause I'm enjoying my last year of high school with some bunch of people who I just got to know this few days...

-High school life might not be bad after all,you just need a little laughter,love and a open heart and it will turn out to be the best year of high school you had.

*FingersCrossed*

-Start your day with a smile and end it with a smile =)

Hiding the tears??

Every morning I wear a mask on my face
Determined to hide that I'm truly afraid
And nobody knows the truth in my lies
All the nights I've laid with tears in my eyes


And still they think they know me so well
That I'm happy and proud and they always can tell
That I've always shined like a tiny pearl
But I'm just a scared, unconfident girl
I show courage and appear to be strong
But that's just to stop questions from being asked far too long


As I sink to the bottom of a very dark hole
I feel like I can't let anyone know
It's my burden not theirs, I can deal with the load
But sometimes I wish I didn't feel so alone

The mask on my face is starting to fade
And I'm worried to find I'll be left and betrayed
If everyone knew the real me underneath
All my laughter and smiles with teeth


The sad little girl who can no longer fake a smile
Who can no longer walk the extra mile
The girl who watches all her dreams die
With sorrow she can no longer hide

So the mask must stay on
For who knows how long
To hide all the misery and fear
And cover it all with happiness and cheer


-Everyone may think my life is perfect but guess what they are wrong about it...I know where i stand right now.

thank you..

So here is the first part of my gift...Its nothing big but its my way of saying thank you for  being my friend when I needed one,I may not know you for years but it did felt like years cause the way you talk and cheer me up when I'm down...It was always easy for me to talk to you about anything and I still don't know why..Your wired,awesome,cute,sweet,crazy sometimes and PERFECT!!! XD don't you ever dare to change that in you XP

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty,a friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full.A friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on.A friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you don't need to worry. You have a friend.That awesome friend is you Mr.Ashvin Puvaneswaran thank you nigga!!

-The reason I said there is a second gift is because I want you to trust me that I'm coming back and I'm going to be the same girl and I'm never going to change not even for the world cause being my self is the best thing I did so far in life.

-People say friends are hard to find -- that's because the best is already mine! XD

one final fight

Sometimes in our life ,when 'somewhere deep inside' we start believing that the goal we have set is unrealistic; when we are not able to put in the hard work with the same passion as we used to; when instead of striving forward on the path to our goal , we just anyhow hang on to it; when although we have a constant smile on our face to fool the world the world and more importantly fool ourselves, but 'somewhere deep inside' we are crying; when all types of problem surround us & we are on the verge of giving up............at that moment tell yourself that you were definitely a champion at some moment that is why you had a big goal for your life.Just pick yourself up & tell yourself that you'll give "one final fight".Losing is acceptable but losing without giving a fight is not acceptable.Even if you go down,go down fighting.Whenever you feel the same again just tell yourself that you are a champion & you'll give "one final fight" with full vigour,enthusiasm,passion & will never go down without a fight, like a loser.Keep the 'fighter' inside you always alive for that "one final fight".

keep it simple

Did I really end my relationship just like that???3 years and its over just in blink of an eye??You should have told me before I make a stupid mistake like what I just did.You keep saying that its never too late to start over but from my point of view I messed it and there is no way to turn back everything that had happen.Now you can tell me that you love me when I already hated you so much,you think its easy to forget and act like nothing has happen??I'm not like you where you just forget about everything.Three years was something not to forget just like that,I did value our relationship like a lot there is not even a day I did not think about us, what else can I do to make things better??When you ask me to give you a second chance when I'm the one should be asking you that question...you know so well that what I did was my fault not yours but yet you took the blame and trying to make things right...I think you deserve someone better then me,I hurt you when you were madly in love with me,I'm so sorry for everything.....I promise that I will try to make things right for the last time.For now I just want to keep it simple.
Thank you for everything,I did not thank you for all the things that you have done for me....

thnx guys

Today was really awesome...I may not know this niggas for a long time,but they end up being my best girl friends that I could never ask any better.These girls are different,special,crazy and awesome in their own way.Thank you guys for the awesome day out and the worst part I'm going to miss you guys badly :/

Sometimes in life, you find special friends. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friends gets you through the hard times, the sad times an the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.


-People say best friends are hard to find -- that's because the best is already mine!

Time may fade but the memories you shared will last forever ...

Slowly u start to fade away
I wan't to stay but u push me away
Maybe I was so used to have your precious time before  

Or maybe I just miss the way we used to be


Maybe your right there's no constant things here on earth except change
And now you demonstrate how its done
People comes & People go
Some of them wan't to stay but most of them just wan't to play



If your time lead me to fall in love with U
I think its your best weapon to fall me apart from U
Besides all these I wan't U to know that I'm still holding on
As what I have said I'm not giving up





Now that I found U
All i need to do is to wait for U to see me
I miss u so badly and I'm gonna miss u more
If you turn on the red light and tell me to STOP .




I'm waiting for U ...

Things To Think About:

Don't dwell on the past or think about the future.Concentrate on now.
Listen between words&think between thoughts&read between the lines&see beyond what you see.
Sometimes love means keeping your distance.
You have to be open enough to see it.
Just let go of the anger.
The person who finishes first is not always the winner.
Just say it.


You never see things so clearly as when you look back.
For everything you are willing to stand up to there is always someone willing to knock you down.
In the heat of the moment is okay to lose your head but NEVER your heart.
What once made you feel good will eventually hurt you.
No matter how bad something hurts,letting go can hurt more.
If it's not ,then nothing is nothing&anything can be anything.
Somewhere in you,you know.
Relax&let it happen.


The line between confidence & arrogance may be fine,but it is define.
Don't waste precious time on someone or something that you're not sure of.
Don't talk about forever&never say never.
Be extra careful-you want someone on your side&NOT on your back.
The last thing you say to someone may be THE LAST thing you say.
Beautiful stakes make us who we are.
Never assume.
You can't grab for the future if you're still holding on to the past.
Do you love him/her enough to let them go?
Admit what is broken&be done with it.

Sometimes you run so hard towards something that you pass by what you really want.
Where there is friction there is the potential for fire.
If you d on't know what to say then just walk away.
Sometimes your instincts know better than your intellect.
With one hand the past pulls us back&with the other one it pushes us forward.
Sometimes we have to hold on even though it's already gone.
Just because you're afraid of something does not mean you can't do it or overcome it.
Revenge is an act of passion.
Some dreams you just have to let go of.
Were you a LESSON before I began to READ you?Were you a WHERE waiting for its temporary WHEN?


Sometimes not making a decision IS making one.
Where there is nothing to be lost there is nothing to be gained.
What you can't see with your eyes you can see with your heart.

More Things To Think About

Stand your ground.
Objectivity gives you emotional distance&distance makes you feel safe.
You can't control your feelings but you can control your behaviour.
You already know the answer.
How did things get this far?
When you're too close to something,you can't see it for what it is.It takes distance to see it.
Be careful&mindful of the way you lean for one day you just might fall that way.
Failure is a result,not a cause.
Without words you say it all.
Is the truth really the truth unless it can be proven?
A lit porch may attract moths but darkness attracts all sorts of critters.
You can't take it back but you can move forward.
Be the classier person&walk away for if you wrestle with the pig you will get muddy&pigs really like that.
You can't use the past to fill in what's missing in the present.
Fool's gold comes in many forms.
To hate someone is to give them power.
To talk about someone gives them power.
Sometimes when you reach out to someone they retreat.
It takes two to create an emotional bond but only one to break it.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to stand back&let things play out no matter how hard that may be.

Don't be too offended by someone who is openly rude to you because they may be that way for the nicest of reasons.
Sometimes it is for the best to keep your mouth shut.
People tend to run away from what they don't understand.
If you want to see the future,learn from the past.
Why do we always chase the ones that run away?
You can't move on till you figure out what happened.
Sometimes you have to lose something in order to see the value of it.
He who does not understand your silence will never understand your words.
Nothing is so strong as gentleness&nothing is as gentle as real strength.
You cannot live with regret.I know all too well it is true.
Never forget what a man says to you while he is angry.
Friendship cannot exist between a man&a woman.There is passion,love&worship but NEVER love.
Nothing comes from nothing.
Being drunk does not change who you are-it reveals it.
The ties that bind us eventually become the things we despise the most.
To love is to be on fire ,to burn.
When you have emotions you make mistakes.
You just can't keep wanting something that you know you cannot have.
Don't promise tomorrow when you can't buy back yesterday.

Some More Vital Things To Think About:

Don't hate the player hate the game.
If it is worth having,its worth fighting for.
Is it worth paying the prophets to justify the reasons?
Sometimes the best gain is to lose.
Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yeaterday.
Satan trembles when he seea the weakest saint on his knees.
Don't chase me unless you're willing to catch me.
When is it gonna be enough?How close do you have to get?
The more you know the more you don't know.
Things go wrong.You cannot explain it or predict it.
You've got to move on.You can't keep living in the past.You need to look in front of you&see all you've got.
What does not exist cannot hurt you.
A fool doesn't see the same tree that a wise man sees.
When NOT to talk is as important as WHEN to talk.
You can only run from the truth for so long.
Sometimes we have to choose between what we really WANT&what we really NEED.
Remember the way you felt.
Do I laugh or wet myself?
Why do we value failure more than success?Why do we concentratevmore on failure?
Unless you take the chance,you're never gonna find out&that's hard to live with.
The farther back you can look,the farther forward you can see.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge,dig TWO graves.
Genetics load the gun,physchology aims it&environment pulls the trigger.
Just how far down this rathole do you wanna go?
The more a monkey climbs,the more you can see its @ss.
Never p!ss in someones else's sandbox.
Never sh!t where you eat
Once a risk turns into regret,it's too late.
Fear leads to anger,anger leads to hate&hate leads to suffering.
Pain happens when you care
Truth divides people.Always.

Why bury the hatchet if you're gonna put up a grave marker?
Once a woman forgives a man she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.
Some people know the cost of everything &the value of nothing.
Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge&the final form of love.
Hanging onto anger will burn you.

Still waiting..

The wall of doubt and fragmented knowledge is a barrier most people struggle to overcome, most people are unaware of the wall and tend to slam into it. The wall is usually invisible to the oblivious, some rarely notice it's existence, they either learn from it's mistake and avoid it altogether or they continue to slam into it. It normally appears when people doubt the truth or they forget what they just learned and force the story teller to loop, rewind and explain themselves again. They often have a habit of fabricating beliefs when they slam into the wall, you can either believe in the truth or move on from the lies constructed.Dismay and confusion is normally coupled with the wall further bringing uncertainty to the mind listening to the truth or story being told....
My story is never going to end till here...Hope I have the will power to move on in life and forget about the past and have a happy ending at some point.Hope the things that I'm waiting for will happen and come true cause I'm not going to give up Right now. I just need someone to hold my back and wipe the tears from my eyes and say that everything is going to be okay.

New year 2013

Its finally a New Year and its 2013,so that means I'm 17 this year and its a big year for me I got so much planned out this year and hope it turns out good.Well I'm not going to complain that 2012 was the worst year it was okay I had a lot of fun and sad times,well every year is going to be the same..what is life without pain,sadness and happiness.Put all that a side and think of the good things that has happen all trough out the year..this is what I'm going to do for the 2013

1.Write all the good things and bad things that has happen and put into a jar.

2.Fall in love again with a great guy.

3.Enjoy my last year of high school life.

4.Christmas in Canada

5.New friends.

6.Try to open up to the people I care

7.Feel good about my self

8.Learn something new

9.Enjoy life

10.Need to stop buying novels

11.End this year with my boyfriend

12.Relax and taking things easy

13.Secret......

-“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”