Being an option...

Being an option to someone is something stupid and mean to do...First of all being in love with some for so long and you end up finding out that you were an option after being rejected by another girl.Before you date that girl make sure you tell her that you propose to another girl and she said no so I came to you,don't make the second girl look like a fool to her self...

One thing I just don't understand about guys,why the hell do you even bother asking another girl if the first girl has rejected to you???Don't you think that you are not looking for a relationship but just to pass your time when your friends are just to busy to attend to you.I'm sure you can think before you do something.

All that its just for a guy I used to love...I can't take this anymore. I want to be happy, I want this stupid pain to go away. People can be so mean, you know? They make fun of you, they make fun of the things you hate the most about yourself and even tough they know it affects you, they still keep doing it and they don't stop. You start to believe in the things they tell you, you start to look in the mirror and all you see are your imperfections, all you see is a ugly person. You become so insecure that you build a wall around you and you let very few people in. You change because all those mean words made you a different person, they changed you.

This is a nightmare, why can't I look in the mirror without crying? I am tired of all this bulls**t, of all this ghosts that haunt me, of all the mean words I can't forget...just tired of this life. People don't understand how hard it can be when you don't like yourself. I just hope that someday it gets better and the pain disappears. The scars will stay forever, I know that, but I want to be happy and to feel completely okay about myself. I wanna live life and lose the fear I have.... I want to feel beautiful and wanted, who doesn't right? I want to be the person I used to be years ago, not this stupid limited version of what I can truly be. This is my life.

Christmas and love?

Its Christmas eve and my house is upside down and I'm relaxing in my room and packing my clothes to leave to Singapore.I guess this is my last Christmas in Malaysia and I'm going to make this as the best Christmas I had *KeepingMyFingersCross* everything should go well and I want to put everything away and just enjoy it.The tree is going to be up tonight and I can't wait till morning to open up the gifts *BeingAFreakingKid* well everyone is a kid when it comes to Christmas gifts XD.

I can't have something anymore which is him,so I have something to say to you:

hey, Merry Christmas..
my Christmas wish for you is that you'll be happy.. I hope you're happy, i want you to be happy so you can stop minding me.. okay? i'll be fine as i told you when i cried that night cause i knew i was gonna screw up and i was gonna lose you, i know i don't deserve you, and you told me that it wouldn't happen. you told me to forget about it and focus on the happy thoughts today.. but now you've gone away. one night you told me that i didn't know how special i was you told me that you would die for me, i was so confused cause why would a guy like you like someone like me ..so then you showed me that you really cared
told me that you'd always be there and you were there all trough out and I will never forget what ever we had it was something big as in a best gift I had,thanks to you get to feel of being loved for 6 months and 21 days.Hope you have a wonderful Christmas with someone who deserves you.
Remember that you ask me what I mean *I'm sorry...it won't happen again* well,you won't go trough any fights with me anymore cause we won't be seeing or talking to each other for a long time or maybe forever..:)

-Merry Christmas

the hardest..

Its been weeks since I updated my blog..Well I have been busy with my visa in Singapore.I just got home friday (7/12/2012) and I did not get enough sleep through out my trip till today *yawning*.Singapore was really nice cause I did a lot of shopping till my bag was to full.I bought a lot of novel and its all vampire stories and some books about life.Mom did a lot of clothes shopping and the best part was I went out with my sister to orchard road for shopping and it was really fun we had fun go going shopping alone without anyone to tell us what to buy and not to buy...Let's leave all that aside and talk about what really happen there....

Ever since I plan to go back to Canada everything is getting really hard for me and I don't know what to do about it,I just feel like throwing everything and running away somewhere.I got so many things to to tell my boyfriend and I don't know where to start telling him.Problems keep coming and it has no ending to it and I'm freaking tired of all this crap.The worst part my parents are driving me crazy with my studies and they are messing up my relationship again,I don't know how long more I can take it I'm so freaking serious -_-
I freaking get it that you guys like my ex and I cant stop you but one thing you should know that I don't like him anymore and I will never have feelings for him.

I use to love the guy who you people think that is perfect for me but now its different,his no one to me and I'm no one tho him.I was really happy cause I totally forgot that I loved him,now he stays near my house and he is coming to Canada at the same time as me???is this some kind of joke???Every where I go he is there waiting to talk to me and I'm avoiding and showing him faces which I'm so sick of doing it again and again.I really don't have feelings anymore for him its gone for good.

-The hardest part in ending a relationship is not the feeling of letting go, but going through every damn day and having to remember it.